It's one of those days that look like the rest of the other days. You have been having this feeling for weeks! You know... the ones where all the days seem to have been squished together and jelled with the monotony of a daily routine. Same $#!&, different day, they say. You can barely gather enough strength to roll out of bed. To you, at this very moment, you feel like that pet running on that circular wheel for what seems like eternity.Yes, a hamster and no, not a guinea pig. In your head, it is just bizarre that a rodent would have 'pig' in its name. It changes everything! Plus, what's the difference between that and a hamster anyway? You head feels dizzy by merely thinking about it. So you drop it, just like you drop everyyyyyyythinggggg else that life throws at you that feels challenging. You take the procrastination crown. You win at the game of losing. Congratulations! You are indeed a walking paradox.
Not feeling fulfilled is an extreme sport that you take part in but never want to play. It is so important for you to tick all the boxes and go beast mode on your goals and ambitions, no matter how small. Even if it is to water that potted plant faithfully or to floss your teeth twice daily. But who are you kidding. You have your moments (everyone does) where you simply cannot get it done. What's worse is, it doesn't matter how many excuses you lie to justify to yourself. The truth is hidden in plain sight: YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE!
With that discovery...let's pretend for just a second that it is indeed a discovery, (despite the fact that deep down you've always known there are no excuses whatsoever...) you snap out of it real quick. Frantically, flinging the curtains open to let the light in.
It is mid-morning and the azure light stings your eyes but you don't cave in!
You make your bed with a strong urge to crawl back in, but you don't cave in!
You scrub off the grogginess in the shower, tempted to stay in there longer, but you don't cave in!
You brush your teeth as you glance towards the couch & the couch glances back at you with a beckoning look, but you simply do not cave in!
You chew your breakfast in silence scrolling through your phone. Tap, tap, exit, refresh, repeat. "...you are living, you occupy space, you have mass, you MATTER." It takes a moment before it really sinks in, and when it does, it tickles you silly. Maybe you were meant to stumble upon that Reddit post. Maybe it's plain synchronicity. Tossing the dishes in the sink, you make for the door and off you go!
Instinctively, you know exactly where to go. It is as if an invisible string ties you and your little escape, constantly tightening and 'un-tightening' as life unfolds. There is something truly magical about winding paths, the sun hitting right and having that song you like on the radio. Bursts of endorphins: a dopamine rush! The instant you get to your happy place, it feels right, it feels like home, it feels as if you never left! Somewhere deep in the trees, on the dusty trail, with the sunlight seeping through the canopy, you find your missing puzzle piece that clicks into place and changes everything. Nothing is going as planned but that's okay. A paradigm shift is required every so often. Being outdoors is energizing, recharging your almost empty battery. A huge snake was found a few weeks back on that very trail. It does not scare you at all. On the contrary! It reminds you of the stories you read growing up. One stands out in particular. about how there was this ginormous snake that was kept in Nyakach called Omieri, or was it Omnyeri? The people fed it loaves of bread and soda-Coca Cola. You never got to find out if it was fact or fiction. So bizarre!
Before you know it, it is sunset. The crickets are getting loud and the air is getting thick perhaps from all the cars stuck in the Nairobi traffic. It suddenly dawns on you that all the fogginess you were feeling in the morning is gone. There is this clarity that is slowly sinking in. You slap your forehead because you have found your answer. Of course! All you needed was some fun in the sun and out in nature. The sun has some effect on you. It has and will always be your antidote! Simply because the SUN PAINTS US GOLD.
(This writing style was inspired by 'The Thing Around Your Neck: Tomorrow Is Too Far.' -Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie)